January 16, 2006: Guess who’s coming to dinner?

by Laura Mansfield

If you live in the tribal areas of Pakistan near the Afghani border, it’s probably a very good idea NOT to call all your buddies and let them know that you have a special guest arriving, especially if that special guest is one of the top leaders of Al Qaeda.

It may be prestigious and you may really want to do some serious name dropping with your friends, but unless you are looking for a cheap way to have your house demolished, it’s probably not a good idea, as the villagers in Damdoula learned Friday when they invited Dr. Ayman Zawahiri to dinner to celebrate the Eid.

You see, the United States is very serious about this War on Terror that we have found ourselves in. We’re so serious about it that our President has even had the spooks listening in on international phone calls where one of the parties is in the US, when either party is suspected of involvement in terrorism.

While the pundits are arguing back and forth about whether this should be allowed or not, there is one thing you can take to the bank.

If the US is monitoring phone calls in the US you can bet your last dollar that they are also listening in on calls in the tribal regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan where the evidence indicates Zawahiri’s lair may be.

They are listening to the calls, and they are translating them.

And it is just a matter of time before the US Military finds Zawahiri and Bin Laden and their compatriot thugs.

When they find them, you’d better hope that it isn’t your house they are visiting, because the chances are pretty good that your house will be in the middle of a huge smoking crater.

So a little tip from the US: if you want to stay alive, and keep your family alive, it’s probably a good idea to find friends with more ubiquitous tastes than Bin Laden and Zawahiri. Find someone who likes opera or fly fishing or checking out the girls in sunny downtown Kandahar.

If you see Bin Laden or Zawahiri, use your phone to call the US military. They’ll say thank you, hand you a big check, and maybe even get you a job at a flea market in New Jersey.

But whatever you do, don’t invite these bozos to dinner.

That really isn’t prudent.